Why couldn’t the 11-year old get into the pirate movie?
Because it was rated “Rrrrr!”
Old mother Hubbard went to the cuboard to get her poor dog a bone, but when she opened it, what letters did she find?
“M” and “T”!
What do you call a little pony with a cough?
A little horse!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lucy.
Lucy Who?
Lucy Lastic will make your underwear fall down!
(loose elastic)
(loose elastic)
A man was walking home alone, late one foggy night, when behind him he hears a noise.
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
Walking quickly, he looks back and through the fog he makes out an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street behind him.
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing faster behind him.
FASTER!
FASTER!
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, and then slams and locks the door behind him.
Suddenly, the casket crashes through his front door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
Clappitty-BUMP!
Clappitty-BUMP!
Clappitty-BUMP!
Spinning around on his heals, the terrified man runs again.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the bathroom door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything. But all he has within reach is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket!
And finally, the coffin (coughing) stops.
If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
