Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Because he was afraid he was going to get a hole in one!
Toby: I think I’ll have to sack my secretary.
Tim: Why?
Toby: She keeps using four letter words.
Tim: She has bad language?
Toby: No, she keeps saying “Can’t”, “Won’t” and “Don’t”!
What happened when the boy watched too much TV?
His eyes turned into a square shape.
WHY COULD’NT THE ORANGE CROSS THE ROAD?
BECAUSE IT RAN OUT OF JUICE!
A taxi came to a pair of crisps (chips) and said “Do you need a lift?” and they said no because…
They were Walkers (a British brand of chips)
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!
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