Why don’t elephants pick their noses?
Because they don’t know what to do with a 20 pound booger!
How do you know when it’s time to go to the dentist?
When it’s Tooth-irty!!! (2:30 p.m.)
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,” and then hangs up.
The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news.
She calls her father and yells, “You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a single thing, do you hear me?”
The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, “It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they’re paying their own way!”
What happened when one banana told the other banana a joke?
His sides split!
You might be a red neck if
you think Shakespeare is a hunting weapon!
How many letters are in the alphabet?
11! “T-h-e a-l-p-h-a-b-e-t!”
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