How does a ghost lock its door?
With a dead bolt!
Why were there feathers in the road?
The wolf got the chicken!
What’s a pretzel’s favorite dance move?
The twist!
What did the cat’s owner say when his cat made a huge mess?
“This is cat-astrophic!”
What did the egg say to the comedian?
Stop. You’re cracking me up!
A man walks into the manager’s office of a famous entertainment company, accompanied by a dog. “You need to put me and my dog into one of your acts, ” he said. “We’ll make you famous… my dog can talk.”
The manager seems unimpressed, and replies, “Yeah, right! Prove it!”
The man looks down at his dog and says, “What’s on the top of a house?” The dog goes, “ROOF!”
“In one word, describe sandpaper.” The dog goes, “RUFF!”
“Who was the most famous baseball player of all time?” The dog goes, “RUTH!”
The manager screams, and kicks the dog and the man out of his office.
The dog looks up at his master and says, “Gee boss… should I have said Mickey Mantle instead?”
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