What do you do if a lion and a jaguar are chasing you, and you only have one bullet in a gun?

Shoot the lion and drive away in the jaguar!
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Kid: “Hey, Teacher! Can i go to the bathroom?
Teacher: “Yes, but first sing the alphabet.”
Kid: ♬ ♩ “A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O,..,Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z!” ♫ ♪
Teacher: “I think you forgot the ‘P’?”

Kid: “No. Actually, I think, it’s running down my leg!”
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Why did the dog bite the tree?

Because the tree was all bark and no bite.
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What did the construction worker call it when he accidentally hammered a nail into his finger?

A finger-nail!
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Two men went hunting. One guy accidentally shot the other guy, so he called 911. He said, “I think my friends dead.” The person on the phone said, “First, make sure he’s really dead.”

So, the first guy shot his friend again and said, “Ok, now what?”
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The red man lives in the red house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the white house?

The President.
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